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"Love Hurts: The Spa Edition"

Two Resorts. Two Romantic Getaways. Two Unscheduled Injuries.

Some couples collect wine corks from anniversaries. We collect bruises.

Let me take you on a journey through two romantic escapes—Resort 1 and Resort 2—where the jetted tubs are luxurious, the pools are inviting, and the laws of physics are apparently optional.

Resort 1: The Tub That Fought Back

Last year, we stayed at Resort 1, a cozy hideaway with a jetted tub that looked like it belonged in a movie montage. I was feeling glamorous, ready to rise from the bubbles like a goddess… until my hand slipped on the wet edge, my foot followed suit, and my entire arm dragged across the tiled casing like a human squeegee.

The bruise? A full foot long. From wrist to shoulder. I looked like I’d lost a duel with a marble countertop. Roger, ever the gentleman, offered sympathy and snacks while I iced my arm and plotted revenge against the tub.

Resort 2: The Ladder of Doom

Fast forward to this year’s anniversary at Resort 2. We had a private pool in our room—not Olympic-sized, but perfect for two lovebirds. I was descending the ladder with grace (or so I thought), when my right foot slipped off the rung. My left foot, still perched on the top step, bent backward so far it practically high-fived my own backside.

I saw stars. Not the romantic kind. The “I might need a brace and a prayer” kind.

I limped through the rest of the trip like a wounded warrior, but we still managed a beautiful dinner, a sun-soaked pool day, and a brief encounter with a karaoke DJ who mistook three people for a crowd. (“Everyone here has already sung, so you’re next!” he said. I leaned into Roger and whispered, “Everyone? There’s three people here and one’s the bartender.” We turned and walked out like divas.)

Resort Survival Guide: For the Accident-Prone Romantic

1. Wet surfaces are not your friend. Treat every tub edge like it’s plotting against you. Dry hands, slow movements, and maybe a helmet.

2. Ladders are sneaky. Always assume the next rung is a trap. Descend like you’re defusing a bomb.

3. Bring your own brace. Knee, wrist, emotional—whatever you’ve got. You’ll probably need it.

4. Don’t trust a DJ with a microphone and no audience. If the crowd is smaller than your dinner party, karaoke is optional.

5. Laugh anyway. Because love hurts, but laughter heals. And if you can’t walk away from a resort injury with a good story, at least walk away with a blog post.

We may be bruised, bandaged, and limping into our next surgeries, but we’re doing it together—with humor, heart, and a growing list of spa-related battle scars.

Stay tuned for next Tuesday’s tale! Until then, stay safe and watch your step!

Resort Injury Index Meter™

Rated on a scale from “Mildly Clumsy” to “Call the Concierge and a Chiropractor”

Rating Level Description 🧼 Slippery Snafu A minor slip with dramatic flair. Bruises, but no bruised ego. 🛁 Tub Trauma Tango Involves a jetted tub, a wet hand, and a physics-defying arm scrape. 🪜 Ladder Limbo Foot-to-butt contortion worthy of a Cirque du Soleil callback. 🎤 Karaoke Ambush Emotional injury from being drafted into a three-person concert. 🧊 Brace Yourself Deluxe Requires ice packs, Bio-freeze, and a cane. Comes with a complimentary limp. 🏥 Anniversary ER Package For couples who celebrate love with matching surgeries and spa-related bruises.