The Pizza Chronicles: Cheese, Char, and Chardonnay

Two pies. One peel. Zero regrets.

There’s something magical about homemade pizza. The dough, the sauce, the bubbling cheese - it’s a performance, a declaration of culinary independence. And sometimes, it’s a complete disaster.

The Case of the Missing Cheese

It started with a 16-inch homemade pizza, lovingly shaped and sauced on a giant wooden pizza peel, waiting to be cooked. The dough was perfect. The sauce was rich. 

Wine drinking may or may not have been involved - just sayin'!

I slid that saucy crust onto a 550-degree pizza stone like I was auditioning for Top Chef - The Tipsy Edition! About thirty seconds in, I went to the refrigerator to pour another glass of vino while the pizza was cooking. I reach in for the bottle and there it was ... staring me right in the face like it was out of place. THE MOZZARELLA! It was just sitting there on the shelf (like that elf) - in all its glory. It was shredded and waiting for a pizza to blanket. "Oh no! There's no cheese on the pizza!" I yelled. My husband (in the other room watching TV) was completely oblivious to my mistake! Good!

I panicked! I grabbed that pizza peel and ran to the stove to try to retrieve the dough, but it was still too soft - and it had started to fluff up a little... so now its oversized and off the edge of the pizza stone. It was hanging like a slice of lasagna on a spatula - sliding toward chaos with every breath, and impossible to get the peel underneath. It was clinging to the stone like a toddler to a new toy in a toy store.

I did what any resourceful chef would do - I let it cook longer, then added the cheese mid-bake and melted it like it was part of the plan all along. It wasn’t perfect, but it was edible and turned out pretty good. Just not the kind of pizza that wins awards. Unless the award is “Most Likely Made Under the Influence of Merlot.”

The BBQ Blackout

Feeling bold (and clearly not burned enough by the last fiasco), I decided to make a second pizza on the grill. The logic was sound: higher heat than a home oven can offer, crispier crust, more authentic. I cranked that BBQ to 700 degrees and placed the pizza stone directly over the flames like I was born in Naples and raised by fire gods. I waited a while for the stone to get very hot and then I slid the pie on with confidence. This one had sauce and cheese on it! LOL Closed the lid. Walked away.

Two minutes later, I returned to a scene that looked like a chimney fire. Smoke billowed. The grill hissed. And the pizza? The bottom crust was so black, it was like walking blindfolded in a dark room while wearing sunglasses at midnight.

Turns out, pizza stones need indirect heat. Who knew?

 Lesson Learned

• Always add the cheese before the bake - skip the wine until after its done!
• Wine and pizza-making are a risky pairing. Proceed with caution.
• BBQ pizza is fabulous… if you don’t treat your stone like a sacrificial offering to the flame gods.

  

Giuseppi Rating™: How Italian Did You Feel?

Level		Description
1. Cheese-less Shock	🍅	You forgot the cheese. Giuseppi clutches his chest and whispers, “Mamma-Mia …”
2. Improvised Dinner	🧀🍷	You added cheese late and paired it with wine. Creative, but risky.
3. Fire Alarm Fiasco	🔥	You summoned Mount Vesuvius on your BBQ. Giuseppi respects the boldness but fears the smoke.
4. Happy Accident	🍷🧄👨‍🍳	I cooked like a jazz musician - off-script, a tad tipsy, but entertaining.
5. Pizza Pro	🏆🧀🍕🔥	You nailed the crust, honored the cheese (a bit late) and didn’t burn down the house. Bravo!